#21

Pay for a stranger's dinner...

I almost crossed this off my list a few weeks ago because, instead of dinner, I paid for gas for someone's car... A man approached me at the gas station and told me he had forgotten his wallet- I told him I would go in and pre-pay for it and he just looked so relieved that I was helping him. He offered to wash my windows, and I told him, no it was ok, I was happy to help him for nothing in return. I started thinking about how much I would tell them, maybe $5 or $10, but on my way in I turned around and saw his mom in the car (an older woman), and all of a sudden I didn't know how much to say anymore. I stood there at the counter, and the cashier was looking at me like I was nuts. I finally said, "$20 on pump 6." When it flew out, I kinda couldn't believe it. I had just spent $30 to fill mine! But it was a total God thing, and I really didn't feel in control of the answer I had given. Soooo, as I said, I thought I would cross #21 off for this, since it was still an act of kindness for a stranger, but then I realized that I had put "dinner" on the list for a reason and I had better do what it said.

Which leads me to tonight. My small group had discussed going out to dinner one night and picking someone in the restaurant to pay for. We went to Chili's tonight and did just that! We started looking at the people around us, but decided we definitely wanted to help a family. A mom and her son ended up sitting down right in front of us, but the mom didn't eat anything, only the boy, who looked maybe 8. I decided to go ahead pay for the boy's dinner by myself, as I felt very drawn to them... but we also found an older couple with an even older lady with them, and knew that was who we wanted to pay for. All of us chipped in on the bill, and we all felt so good afterwards! We asked the manager after (who had helped us in the process) and she said they were really surprised and said what a nice thing had been done! The manager even had a big grin on her face- I hope because she felt good to be a part of it.

#21- done! (twice!)

#88 and #14

Cook a turkey:

Pre-cooked herb-roasted citrus glazed turkey!


Basting!


Finally done!


My turkey has an outie! :-P
#88- done!

Drive down to Mema’s for a surprise visit:

Because of Mema's back surgery, she couldn't go anywhere for Thanksgiving. I had visited her twice, for a few days each time, to help take care of her. But I wanted to visit her this time just to be with her and make her happy... so Friday after Thanksgiving, I loaded some leftovers into the car and started off for Columbus. I called her after I had gotten on the road...

Mema: "What are you doing?"

Me: "Oh, just driving to bring leftover Thanksgiving to my Mema."

Mema: "......what?!"

Me: "Yup! On my way to see you now!"

She then proceeded to tell me four or five times "what a nice surprise" it was that I was coming to see her. She was so excited! We had such a nice visit, eating and just enjoying each other's company. The 2 hour drive there and back in one day was totally worth it just to know how happy she was that I surprised her. :)

#14-completed!

#16 done. kinda...

Writing to my biological father proved to be very difficult, but maybe not for the reasons you would assume. As I tried to write my thoughts and feelings, all I could think was, "why am I trying to write a letter to someone I don't know? What good will it do to get questions down on paper like, 'how could you not want to be a part of your own daughter's life?' when I won't get answers?" I had pretty much decided I wouldn't mail it (that is, if I could even find out where he lives) because after all this time, I really don't desire a relationship with him.

During all this time, there was a bit of drama with my "dad." (He's my step-dad, but I've known him as my dad since I was 3 years old.) My parents have been divorced for 10 years, and our relationship just hasn't been what I hoped it would be. I feel like he has his own family now, and since I wasn't ever his "blood," that maybe I didn't really mean all that much to him. He actually called me Saturday and asked if we could go to lunch on Sunday to "talk." I knew there was no way I could ever get out everything I wanted to say without being an emotional disaster, so I wrote him a letter. A 4 page letter. I said everything I ever wanted to say to him. Whether things change or not, I feel better about it because I was able to make sure he knows how I feel about our relationship.

And then, as I deal with all this, I get constant reminders from God that I have a Father who will never abandon me... He will never stop loving me. First, I came across this letter:

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish youwith all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I lovedthat I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad -Almighty God

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Then, a friend of mine, Emily, wrote this blog:

http://daddylessdaughters.wordpress.com/ It makes me want to read the book, A Dad-Shaped Hole in My Heart.

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And last, today I saw the video for Nickelback's "Never Gonna Be Alone." The video shows a girl that grows up without her father, but he is still with her always. It made me cry- partly because of the storyline, but partly because once again, I was reminded that I am never alone... God is my Father and He is always there.

#16, done...

#16 continued...

Well, my mind has not really been in the right place to finish the letter to my biological father this week. My Mema ended up in the hospital because of her back, and actually had surgery on Monday morning. I went to be with her and take care of her house/dogs this past weekend, and I've also been trying to prepare for conferences this week- it's that time of year. I'm actually going back this weekend and staying through Tuesday to be with her and help take care of her. So on top of all that I have going on this week, I'm also trying to get sub plans ready for Monday and Tuesday. Whew.

I'm hoping while I'm at Mema's those few days, I might have a little time to myself to "reflect" and write. I will say that what keeps returning to my mind is a day very shortly after when I was truly saved- the day I realized that although I felt like my dad had left me, and so many times when I felt alone and that I "missed" that in my life, that all along I've had a Father that created me, loves me, and will never let me down.

Joshua 1:9 ...Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

#16

#16- Write my biological father a letter...

This is one on the list I keep putting off until the "right time." But I was thinking about it earlier today, and I think this is going to be my project this week. It's not really something I want to sit down and just "do" start to finish... I want to give myself time to start, walk away, come back... and decide if I am going to try to mail it to him. This would require me to actually try to find out where he is (I have no clue). I purposely left #16 open (just "write" him a letter), because I don't know if I want to really open that can of worms... sometimes just getting my feelings out on paper is enough. So I think I will wait until I'm done with the letter to decide if I feel "freed up" of the feelings I have kept bottled up, or if I "need" to mail it.

I will update again later this week when it's done. :)

#89

I am not artistic. I'll admit creative, but artistic? ...I'm lucky to stay in the lines when I color. :-P But Saturday, most of Jessica's bachelorette party took place at Sips and Strokes (it's not what it sounds like... haha! click on the link and check it out!)- you bring your own drinks, pay $35, and they guide you through painting a piece of art. I really thought mine might end up looking like one of my third graders painted it, but it turned out SO GOOD. I was really proud of myself. I couldn't BELIEVE I had done it, actually!! As I said, I am NOT artistic. I decided this counted for this task on my list because I technically bought the piece, even though it was my own "artwork." :)

Maybe the wine helped? :)

My (almost) finished piece... I thought I was done at this point, but then I kept going back ...and back ...and back touching up her hair and wings... I really enjoyed it though!

#89- Buy a piece of artwork, completed! "Guardian Angel" -an original by Jivey! :) ...and of course, now hanging on the wall because that's what you DO with artwork!! :-P

#25

I usually try to keep this blog strictly about my list, and started this entry thinking this would be the exception... but then I came to realize that, in all of my frustration with one friend, I was forgetting about all the GREAT friends I do have. I think I'm finally ready to cross #25 off of my list.

#25- Build a new friendship. This seems like a silly one, I know, but in college, I let my world revolve around my boyfriend instead of meeting new people, and I suffer for it now. Luckily, I came to the realization that only God can fill a hole, or an empty place in my heart, and that I was a moron to pour my energy into someone who could NEVER give me what I need... much less return those efforts. So, #25 was especially important to me because 1) I have a lot of catching up to do, and 2) the friends I have made since I moved back to the Lawrenceville/Snellville area have been such a blessing, that I could only hope to have at least one more person like them in my life.

There has been some on-going drama, not to mention non-reciprocated efforts, with a good friend of mine... well one who I considered a good friend. But in a lot of prayer, tears, and conversations with non-biased parties (:-P), I have come to the realization that maybe it is time to stop trying. That maybe what I hoped for just wasn't going to be the same again...

I found this quote tonight... "Life's not about the people who act true to your face. It's about the people who remain true behind your back." I can appreciate this comment so much because, although I am certainly guilty of gossip (and it's something that I work on), I would never say anything about a friend that I couldn't, or haven't, said to their face. And, unfortunately, I don't feel that this is true with some people who I call my friend. And as I said in the beginning of this blog, in all my depression about this, it didn't dawn on me until I was typing that I have so many NEW friendships to be thankful for, that don't leave me feeling sad or disappointed or not appreciated, and THOSE are the people I want to lift up right now.

Amanda L- although you are not a "new" friend this year, we reached a "new" level this year. I will FOREVER be thankful for the amazing times we had this summer. Summertime Amanda and Summertime Jivey must return in 2010.

Amanda B- I knew from the minute we started Math Institute this summer that you were someone I WANTED to know. I am so thankful to have the "tiny" room across the hall from you because I don't know what I'd do without you sometimes! You are awesome. Can't wait for another WDW and a night of "planning" at your house soon. :)

Sabrina- We've lost touch since the summer a little bit, but I want you to know what an inspiration you are to me, what a Godly woman you are, and how much I just love your heart for those around you. We need some more one-on-one time...

Ana- I am SO proud to call you a friend. You encourage me, you lift me up, and you don't leave me hanging! (haha!) I hope to be that much of an encouragement to you...

Christina- I love that we have so many similarities in our past, which also makes us have so many similarities now, and in our future. I look forward to more hookah nights and girl talks. :)

Melanie, Rachel, Angie, Danyell, Emily, Brittany, and Allison- my small group girls... you give me a reason to look forward to Mondays, and that's a miracle in itself! haha, just kidding. :) But REALLY, you girls are wonderful, and I couldn't ask for a better group of women who want people to see that we are desperate for God. I love you girls, and I'm so glad to get to know each of you.


Hmmm. What is REALLY funny to me is, the list of people who have come into my life since this summer, the ENTIRE list...are women. I used to think I was a guys' girl because I have always hated drama, and girls always seemed to bring it. But that would be the key word... GIRLS. I now know the importance of having good women in your life. My resolution is... I'm not going to dwell anymore on a relationship that does not encourage me, make me feel blessed, or appreciate the efforts I put into it. I will instead pour my energy into and sustain the beautiful NEW friendships I have made this year, and look forward to the ones to come. :)

#25, completed. :)